after five million years...

I'm finally updating. *applause*

It's been busy busy week. Radio tour last Tuesday. Dukha mode last Wednesday so that we could pack for Thursday's TV tour. Then Friday, I was finally pretty because I went out with Paula and a friend of ours from college. Crazy me drove in my nice metallic wedge sandals, and my left leg suffered cramps on the way home. Gritted my teeth through the whole thing. It's so strange because I'm driving an automatic, so the left wasn't even doing anything. I swear, I'm turning into my mother. :( Pray that I don't, coz then that means I'll cramp up almost everytime I drive. Ayaw!!!

Anyhoo, my boss is on leave for a month. Lucky bitch. I'm getting a bit scared because I won't have anyone to bug for the first time since I've been here. I have to be more on my toes now, not that I haven't been, but even more so than before. Forgive me, I got up at 4am so my thought process isn't so coherent yet.

I had two coffees. In a row. And I'm not so hyper yet. Bleargh.

I'm gonna be feeling-artist today. Hurray for Adobe Photoshop on Windows 98. How loser can I be?

My sister's voice is still ringing in my head, as she dramatically says to my brother, "Are you trying to ruin my life?!" Ah, to be high school and so emo...

I'm bored. And sleepy. And lazy. Rarr.

after my first kikay event

Had my baptism of fire, which consisted of running around the whole night in heels, chasing after press people. Had a tough time making my post-event press release coz I didn't really notice the socialites. It was like I had blinders on and all I could see were TV crews and cameras.

Of course, in pictures, I realized that we had a star-studded event. Highlight of the night was when I asked John Lloyd if he was willing to be interviewed and he goes, "Sorry ha [squeezes my arm while talking] ang dami ko na kasing tinanggihan na interview eh." And inside I was like, "Tangina, di na ko maliligo!!!" and all I could say was, "That's okay." Hahaha, shet ang jologs ko!!!

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Anyhoo, I've been totally harassed at the office this whole week. Was on the verge of reaching my burnout point last night [complete with the drama of tears streaming down my face while leaning against the car window], when God intervened and kept me in touch with a friend. I had almost forgotten the feeling --that wonderful high-- when you're starting to build a friendship, opening yourself up to someone and realizing that he is getting to know you for the first time. Much better, he's been elevated from Acquaintance status to someone I can really start to call a friend. It's such a great feeling to start a new friendship, to make kulit new people and make hirits na bumebenta for the first time.

Makes me realize that it's true: different people serve different purposes in your life. Sometimes I feel like I adapt according to who I'm with. Like with some people, I can talk about books and coffee and all things literary. With others, I can be kikay and talk about fashion and how to make myself over. And now, recently, I've someone who appreciates my Marvel knowledge (oo na, medyo rusty na siya, pero at least may alam pa rin ako kahit papaano). Last night was an animated conversation about Spiderman 3 and the Transformers movie. I feel like a boy, but in a good way. :) New personality added to my database. :)

Even if I slept late, I fell asleep with a smile on my face, and I woke up feeling... well, rejuvenated might be an exaggeration, but I guess you could say that. Bumalik ang pagkakulit, especially when we resumed our conversation via YM today. :)

Hindi naman niya mababasa 'to, pero thank you talaga. :)

-=-=-=-

Hindi pa ako bumibili ng major purchase of the month. And I want to upgrade my phone na. Rarr.

the universe gives a sign

Nicked off my cousin's blog again:

1. Don't date because you are desperate.

2. Don't marry because you are miserable.

3. Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.

4. Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.

5. Don't associate with people you can't trust.

6. Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.

7. Don't dictate because you are stronger.

8. Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough and know better.

9. Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.

10. Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.

11. Don't stagnate. Don't regress.

12. Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.

13. Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr/Ms Right.

14. Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr Wrong because your biological clock is ticking.

15. Learn a new skill. Find a new friend. Start a new career. Sometimes, there is no race to be won. Only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.

16. To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.

17. To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.

18. To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy. Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

19. To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what you can be.

20. Simplify your life. Take away the clutter. Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.

21. Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.

22. Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.

23. Be true to yourself. Don't commit when you are not ready. Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

24. Go on that trip. Don't postpone it. Say those words. Don't let the moment pass. Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

25. Write poetry. Love deeply. Walk barefoot. Dance with wild abandon. Cry at the movies.

26. Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.

27. You light up your life.

28. It is true that life does not get easier with age. It only gets more challenging.

29. Don't give up. Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love. Pursue your passions.

30. Live your dreams. Don't lose faith in God.

31. Don't grow old. Just grow YOU.

a random thought

I was on my way to work and as is the usual route, I passed by Riverbanks in Marikina. They're constructing a flyover that I really hope will finish soon because it looks cool (wow, what a reason!) and I just suddenly wondered about the people who work all day under that heat. I wondered if any of them actually get a heat stroke, and how it might feel to be laboring under the sun all day with the dust swirling around you and the cars whizzing by.

Then I spied a pedicab driver with a bimpo over his head and he was pedalling his pedicab by the side of the street. I saw how dark his legs already were, so dark I couldn't call them tan. It spoke of the days he spent pedalling his pedicab in the heat of the sun. His skin was almost roasted. The color of chicken barbeque that's been oven-baked to crispness.

And that's when I realized: no wonder being fair-skinned is always equated to being rich and well-off. Because if you had to stand and work under the sun all day, then you wouldn't be so fair, right? Typical hindi naaarawan type because you're in an air-conditioned office all day and you go home to a similarly cool home afterwards.

Maybe that's why people are so big on skin whitening products. Because it's a way of deluding themselves out of the reality that is their poverty. But don't they realize that no matter how much Ponds Whitening Cream they lather on, and no matter how many times they wash their faces and bodies with Likas Papaya Soap, it's not going to work if they have to return to laboring under the heat of the sun everyday?

So then what's the point of it all? The fair-skinned ones only end up being fairer than ever (because, after all, they're the ones that can afford to buy Ponds on a regular basis and these whitening products only work with regular use), while those who are dying to be want can only look on in envy and dream of a day when they didn't have to work in the sun and maybe they would become whiter too.





Sabi ko nga random thought e. :O

kiddie politics

I was watching Pinoy Big Brother last night, and the episode had little kids taking care of the housemates. The sight of the bulilits made me remember the little snippet of Going Bulilit that I saw last Sunday. It was a segment where they were spoofing Korina Sanchez' Rated K. So obviously, there was a little Korina. Little Korina's guest was a Little PGMA, complete with the mole. In fairness to the Little PGMA, it was a fairly good PGMA impersonation. Now here's the thing. Little PGMA was accompanied by two little military officers who stood behind her chair. Little PGMA says, "Alam ko ang lahat ng ginagawa ng militar. They are on my side." And while she's saying this little speech about knowing what's going on in the military, the Little Soldiers are making faces behind her back, causing Little Korina to laugh her head off. And everytime Little PGMA turns her head, the Little Soldiers behave. And that's basically the gist of the segment: Little PGMA insisting that she knows what's going on with the military, while the Little Soldiers make funny faces behind her back and make Little Korina laugh.

It was quite disturbing because I realized that politics are invading even the kiddie shows. It made me wonder if these kids were even aware of the implications --or even just the meaning-- of their little skit. It was such a simple kiddie skit --after all, making faces is still a very kiddie thing to do, and making faces behind someone's back is something kids really do in real life-- but the meaning behind it, the fact that PGMA doesn't really know what the military is doing behind her back... that was so un-kiddie. I'm not sure if the scriptwriters should be faulted or something. I really wonder if the kids understood it. I wonder if Malacanang would call the show seditious, considering that the ones performing the skit were little kids who, presumably, do not know any better.

Anyway, I was just really disturbed by it. Really, shouldn't the children be spared from the politics instead of using them as instruments to further the opposition or administration's agenda?

randomness

A poem I received through email. It's been circulating for a really long time, but I still like it. :)

SLOW DANCE
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

-----

I was watching One Tree Hill yesterday. I already have a really long entry in my personal journal (as in the handwritten one), so I'll spare you the litany. Basically, I realized a healthy way to look at love. Love is a gift. For me, the proper way to receive a gift is to just be thankful that someone remembered you and valued you enough to give you a gift. Social norms just pose the problem of "Should I give a gift back? Why is this person giving me a gift? What does he want out of it? What am I expected to do and say?" But really, it shouldn't be like that. You should just graciously accept a gift for what it is, and give a gift in return only if it really does come from the bottom of your heart. Same with love, diba? If someone loves you, be thankful. Don't think of why the person loves you, or are you obligated to love him back or whatever. And vice versa: you can always love someone, but don't expect him to return that love. Hindi naman exchange gift ang buhay diba? Sometimes the gift isn't really something you expected --i.e. love comes in a form you don't expect-- but will you really focus on that, or on the mere fact that the gift was given? Alam mo yun, buti nga niregaluhan ka pa e! So yun. Yun lang. That's my new philosophy on love. It's such a wonderful feeling. I mean, if I were to die tomorrow, I would like to die knowing that I was loved and that I loved in return, rather than knowing that all these social norms kept me from telling people just how much I loved them. So yuh. Love is a gift that should be shared and expressed. :D

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Off to eat lunch now. I'll most likely be back. :)

just a thought

I was reading the paper this morning and I saw a familiar face. She used to be a Povedan and Atenean (you get what I mean), one batch lower. She was the receipient of some makeover thingy, and for some reason I remember seeing her Friendster some months ago. It said that she had broken up with her special someone of four years. (The chismis you can get from Friendster...!)

That just kinda got me to thinking. (And you see how these thoughts are literally just jumping into my head. Snap! Here's one thought! Snap! Here's another thought!) Somewhere along the line, in four years (if I were to put myself in her place), you lose a part of yourself without quite realizing it. But the most tell-tale sign (if only you would really listen) is when you and your special someone become a package deal. You know, when you can't enter a room without someone asking, "O, nasaan na si ___? Bakit hindi mo kasama?" It should give you the feeling na, "Um... so that means that I can't enter a room all by myself? I can't attend parties by my lonesome? Dapat ba lagi kaming magkasama and kung hindi kami magkasama, may mali?"

I guess if your relationship lasts long and yet you can enter a room or attend a party or hang out with people without them wondering where your special someone is and why you're not with him (damn that's a long phrase!), then it's still healthy. It means you haven't lost your identity and your individuality, because people recognize that even by your lonesome, you are complete. Your special someone is just that: a Special Someone that you're blessed to have in your life. A blessing. Not an obligation, or a possession, or a necessity. A blessing that you're thankful to have, but you're truly aware that God may just choose to take the blessing away as well.

So yun lang. Just a thought. New warning signs in effect: "Nasaan na si ___?" equals WARNING! WARNING! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!! Hahaha. Just kidding. But really. Does that make sense? Does it make more sense for me to have been referring to the opposite sex as a Special Someone rather than an Other Half? I think so. Because in the first place, you shouldn't BE just another half of someone. You shouldn't need a half to be complete, because you should be complete by yourself. Dapat, Two Become One! SING IT WITH ME, SPICE GIRLS!!! :D





Of course, that is much easier said than done, and you kinda only get to realize this in retrospect...